my road is still at a stand still. Questions are still in my head...like is it wrong to do what you want? How can one discern between what God wants and what oneself wants? Could they be one and the same? so, im still standing here trying to read the road signs to decide what road to take.

Decisions, i hate them. Things are falling into place to go and serve with Mission builders in serving at a YWAM location (Youth With a Mission) . i would be "working" full time for free =) i know crazy right? but i want to volunteer my time and pray about where to go to school and such. Right now the choices are Montana, and Liberty University. I guess each adventure has some downfall to it. Mine is the decisions. One path leads west, the other path leads East. Either way i plan on moving out of Jackson in August. Please pray that Gods will be done in my life and that i choose the right path!

turmoil

What if i have lost sight of what God wants in my life? Being debt free has been a conviction of mine since i was young. Then why all of a sudden i am willing to get a loan for one year at school? Is this why i have procrastinated in applying? Why do i get this sick feeling in my stomach every time i think about getting a loan? Oh so many questions going through my head. like what if i were to move to Lynchburg? Would God actually call me to be somewhere that would make me happy? Would He call me to do what my heart desires? Or am i just being selfish? Should i go to a school, be debt free, and be near the person i want to be with most? Or should i travel the opposite direction, get a loan, and live in the rockies? Oh if anyone has any biblical out put on this it would be greatly appreciated. I am in turmoil. I don't know what road to take. West, or East. Praying is what im doing most right now.

another day

Feeling lots better now. Just trying to make it through each day until this summer when going to Virginia, and Michigan, will be awesome. Then Montana in August. Ah im so excited. i really really hope i can get enough money to live off of. Please pray that a job comes up SOON!

It's snowing outside. It's like glitter from the sky, the clouds kissing the earth and allowing us to walk on them. it's truly awesome.

caged

i feel like a caged bird. Being sick, sucks. haha. i've been sick since Thursday, i am getting better now though. I can't stand for to long or i get dizzy, but my sore throat is almost gone! Thank you Lord! I've found plenty of time to thank God for the ailments i don't have. And spent plenty of time praying for my family who have had serious health issues this past month. Well i'm off to go "rest" again. i've read 2 whole books in the past 2 days. haha.

Death

Death, it's like that haunting shadow that looms above, and when it strikes it effects all around you. Sometimes it has a lasting effect. I've felt it. And the death of 2 friends in particular still makes me want to cry when i think about it. It all started in 2nd Grade. I had a friend, her name was heather. We were talking one day about her coming to my house in a week and a half. We were excited. She had never been to my house before. As we were leaving the church, i said "see you next week" not knowing i would never see her again in this lifetime. This was Thursday, on Tuesday i was watching my normal after school television. The news was on next. I was about to leave when i saw my friends picture on the Tv. I sat down and watched. Only to find out through the TV that my friend had been murdered. I dont remember much after that. I remember going to church and feeling numb. Not understanding why she wasn't there. I didn't understand why her dad set a fire to the house her and her 2 sisters were sleeping in. But those words haunt me, "see you next week". I never did.

Summer 2008, another friend of mine died. He was older, 70's or 80's. I worked as a lifeguard, and he was the uncle of the owners. He was such a great old man. We would sit for hours and talk. I was let go at that job so i didn't see him after that. I came in to say hi to some friends there one day and saw his picture on a flier in the lobby area. I walked over and read it. He was in the Hospital ill, and had passed away, his funeral was in 3 days. When i got home, i cried, and cried. I dont think i have cried like that ever. A friend went with me to the memorial service. We were the youngest people there. I didn't know anyone, but i saw a picture of his smiling face and knew he was well and with our Savior.

There are people out there who don't have the hope of seeing loved ones again after they pass. That is why, young or old we have to be a witness 24/7 to people. We never know how our last goodbye words could impact them, or how reaching out can lead them closer to God. Memories of friends and family who have passed away will always be with us. How will you leave your mark on the people in your life? What will be your lasting impression on them?
just something to think about.

the last day

So today is my last day to be a teenager. I look back and wonder where all the years have gone. It seems like just yesterday i was in 3rd grade in Mrs. Johnson's class. My how the years have flown. There were good, sad, bad, happy, and just plain wonderful times. I've felt heartbreak, and iv'e felt love. I've lost friends, and iv'e gained new ones. Yes there are some things i would have done differently , but that is life. We learn the hard way. I'm very excited for my future though, and what God is doing. My life has truly been an adventure. And it's an adventure waiting to be discovered and explored more. So as i turn 20, i'm anticipating this great adventure that's ahead of me, called life.