Winter Wonderland

Yes, i am in Tennessee , freezing to death in this snowy cold land. This thursday i'll be flying back "home" to lynchburg to pack up, head to North Carolina to spend Christmas with the Tillett's , then drive to Tn. Going to be a very busy few weeks. And it's almost the end of the year! I can't believe it's been almost a year since i started blogging. My there have been so many adventures in my life since last year. So i hope you all have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I'll be back most likely after the new year, 2011.

I'm moving again!

Well i'm packing up my bags and going to head to this place called Jackson Tn. Yes, i am moving back. Why? well first off i need to get in school or save money for school and i can't do that when i'm living off part time and paying rent. Being under my parents roof again will allow me to save more money , and plan a wedding for October without being long distance. Friday will be my last day at the day care. I will be back in jackson for 2 weeks before Christmas working with American Access ( where my dad works). Then i will fly back before Christmas, pack up and move after Christmas. Josiah will be driving with me down there , then flying back a few days after. So that is why i will be so busy during December.

2 years traveling and serving God

This post is dedicated to the places where my family and i dedicated our time and labor in the 2 years we were missionaries in the U.S.A. Some of the places have changed, some are the same. It brings back good memories, bad memories, and the times where God grew my family close together, and closer to Him.

We started at Jenness Park ( http://www.jennesspark.com/ )
We spent 2 summers here. The longest we ever stayed at one place during the 2 years.

El Nathan Christian Camp, (http://elnathanaz.org/ ) We spent 2 weeks here. It is located on the side of mt. Elden. We had to look out for mountain lions a lot, and when it rained you could find broken pottery from where the indians 100's of years ago would go to the top to break pots as a religious practice. The camp ministered to the Navajo Indians, and i got to see first hand what the reservation looked like.

El Nathen

Navajo reservation









Next on the list is Camp Cordova located in Memphis Tn (Cordova Tn.) It is now called "The Grove at Red Lake" (http://www.mygrove.org/#galleryimages/10.jpg) .

Then there is Glorieta conference center in New Mexico. A beautiful place, where it snowed at odd times of the year. (http://glorietaconferencecenter.org/)

Next is Camp Redcloud in Colorado (http://www.campredcloud.org/ ). Here is where my brother , a friend of ours, and i hiked up a mountain, got lost, ran out of water, and finally found our way back after 6 hours, all to see a bat cave we couldn't reach. I also got to ride horses up to the continental divide.

And finally, Wycliffe Translators and campus crusade for Christ.  (http://www.wycliffe.org/ ) . We spent our final months on the road in Orlando florida, where i met 2 of my best friends, Hallie Martin, and Josiah Tillett ( who i'm going to Marry!) 

Autumn

It is now starting to feel like fall. The leaves are changing, the weather is cooler, and there are less bugs! On October 1st 2011 (Lord willing!) i will be getting married! I still cannot believe that i am engaged! The fun part now, is planning a wedding.

Living in Lynchburg has been interesting. Kind of a mix between nice, and not so nice. Like not having my close friends near me, or any family. But i have Josiah , and i am starting to get to know some people here, it just takes time. One really bad thing, is my job. Everyday i wish i could walk out and quit. Everyday i wish that i didn't have to go to work. It's not that i HATE what i do, but rather i cannot stand to work with racist people. And then they are unusually "nice" to you after they find out how you feel. I feel as if i'm just being used and that the time will come when i'm no longer needed and i'll be tossed out. Well anyways that's how i feel.

Well i'm going to keep praying for a full time job. And enjoy the autumn breeze.

He asked a question...and i said "YES!"

Friday October 1st :
Josiah and i went to a switchfoot concert with some friends. I was so excited to be there. They played "stars" right after the first song. I was so excited. During an instrumental of the song, Josiah looked at me and said " i have something for you" . I was thinking like a Cd or something. He pulls out a ring. I was honestly so surprised! He said "will you marry me?" and i said very excitedly "yes!!" . As he slipped the ring on my finger switchfoot was sining "when i look at the stars..." . pretty much the best day ever in my life. Now i am engaged... a new adventure in my life.

So friday i got engaged at a switchfoot concert! more details to come.

So i went to visit my family for a few days. It was so good to spend time with my parents and sister. I kinda didn't want it to end. Funny how i couldn't wait to get out of the house and now i don't want to leave. I guess that is how life is. I got a sewing machine and hope to start up some sewing projects and some cross stitching as well for Christmas presents. Yes it's September and im thinking about Christmas already. I'm so excited about what God is going to be doing in the future. I pray i grow ever closer to Him and that i can be an example to others. Today is my dad's birthday. i wish i could be there for it but i was there this weekend and i had a great time. Well i better start searching for some jobs.

August already?

Well It seems to me like i get so busy and forget things like blogging. Well here i am blogging. I have been sick (again), and have been working, working working. Sometimes i just want to go back in time when i was younger to the carefree life. Not worrying how much food i have left, how im going to pay bills, having strength to get to work ect. I feel as if my life right now is a ferris wheel. Going around and around but not really getting anywhere. I feel like i'm stuck near the bottom, not being able to see very far. Not knowing what's going to happen next. But despite these things i have found Joy in my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He has given me strength and a joy that i really cannot explain. So even though i feel as if everything is going around and not going anywhere , i still look to my Lord.
This week a dear friend from YWAM Ozarks passed away. He was the director there and left behind a wife and kids. I know he is with Jesus now , pain free, and dancing. He taught me so much about Gods Word. In his passing i realized how short our lives are. How God can bring us to Him so quickly. Please be in prayer for his family, and for YWAM Ozarks. I guess i have learned to live each day as if it were your last. Yes it's hard, but with God all things are possible.

Well today Josiah comes back from camp! I can't wait to see him! This week has been emotionally and physically straining. But when i started to feel down i would just pray and God would fill me with His joy and i would keep going. My working with kids has become more of a ministry than a job to me. These kids are basically raised by other people like me. What great influence i have on these children at the age where they are learning so much ! I pray i can make a difference in these kids lives, or that God would use me to change them. This is what keeps me from going insane from hearing kids crying all day. haha.

So today i worked for 12 hours. 6am-6pm of screaming kids. I really need a new job. And it's been a long week especially with Josiah gone. Well that's all for now.

silence

I don't know what to say anymore. I feel like all i do is talk talk talk and nothing gets anywhere. I feel like im constantly saying sorry for being me. I keep saying "ill work on that" and i try to change but i really don't want to. i hate emotions. They confuse me. something needs to change though. and i think it's my heart. like i said i dont know what else to say. my mind is all over right now. i feel as if i let people down constantly, and it's so hard for me to get what i'm thinking into words verbally. it's so much easier to write them. Like Lynchburg is cool and stuff but i dont know many people and i kinda dont want to make friends right now. is that horrible? I feel to hurt by past things and i don't want to get hurt again. i'm stinken tired of friends hurting me! but if i tell anyone else this they will say "get over it, not everyone is like that" i've heard that over and over. i KNOW. i have all this knowledge but i don't use it. im stubborn, and scared, and i need to just give it all to God. It's so hard though. it's like letting someone have all my camera's and not knowing if ill see them again. it's a big deal . it's hard to trust for me. i don't know why. i guess it all goes back to being hurt. i need to remember that Christ was HURT for me though. He suffered so much more. He had friends betray Him. Oh how that must have hurt. Wait.. im now getting it. God knows exactly how i feel, His own children turn their backs on Him everyday.

I hate that i struggle all the time . i just want to be a carefree child again. i want to laugh. and smile and have fun. i want to just be me and not have to work on changing something that everyone else see's as a fault. Ok so i am not faultless. I feel as if i complain to much, which i do. i feel as if i'm not a very good friend, girlfriend, and daughter. i'm constantly doing something that is stupid and clumsy and i feel like giving up. i say things out of anger i don't mean, and sometimes i hold things in and not say everything. My heart is a confused mess. bear with me as i vent. i have no one else to vent at right now at this hour. I feel pretty much alone. i'm a failure, a loser, and a scared to death girl. i'm trying to hold on to Jesus. He's the only one who can get me through this inner battle. That is all for now.

Well Life has been interesting. It has been full of work and fun :) . 4th of July weekend i got to go camping with friends in the blue ridge parkway. It was so great to see my friends again and meet new people. We went on a 3 mile hike up to sharp top mountain. it was awesome and very difficult . But overall it was amazing. Now back to the grind of things and work, and living off of a part time income....

1) view from sharp top overlooking blue ridge parkway

2) View from Liberty Mountain overlooking Lynchburg on 4th of July

One month

It has been a month since i've moved to Virginia. Things are going GREAT. I am still looking for a full time job but i love working with the little kids at the day care center i work at. This weekend Josiah and i are heading to Waxhaw North Carolina to see his family. I'm excited! Well off to work!

a new job

Well i have been working at a day care for a week now. It's called the sunshine house and i work with infants-toddlers . It's only part time but it will pay the bills till i get a full time job. Life has been busy. God has blessed me so much with this job. Please pray that i can get a full time job at Liberty University. That is where im trying to work full time. I recently got accepted into Liberty Online and will sign up for classes in the middle of June! How exciting!

New home

Well im here in my new room in Lynchburg Virginia! It's so beautiful here! This weekend i went to Liberty's graduation , and a wedding. I'm looking forward to getting a job and starting school in August! God is really awesome. He has worked so many small things out. Please pray that i get a job soon. Soon summer shall be upon me. I'm looking forward to exploring Virginia some more :) .

excitement

Well friday i move to Virginia! I've been packing, organizing, and storing things. Well be praying for me that travels will go safely. :)

few day

So i came home from Ozark Ark. a week early. Last weekend Jackson suffered from floods, as did most of west and middle Tn. I came home on Sunday after all the rain. I've been preparing for the big move to Lynchburg Va. I'ts kinda stressful though. Figuring out what you need, what you don't need and all the above. Please pray for safety as i leave on May 14th.

Weekends

Oh how i enjoy weekends. Rest is well accepted right now. After a hard week of work I've been enjoying the weekend oh so much. 2 more weeks till i go home , than another week till i move. I thank God that my car sold! He has put so many things into place as i get ready to move toVa. It truly is going to be a great adventure!

hehe

So i just wanted everyone to know that I LOVE JOSIAH TILLETT.

Dirt

So today i dug a trench. yup for drainage. What started out as a simple task ended up being a big job. good thing one of the guys here started helping me. My arms have muscles! and im tan. i feel like a NEW person. haha.Time here is wonderful. The people are so fun to be around, and encouraging. God has surely blessed me while here. I have learned about the power of prayer, and my relationship with Christ has grown sufficiently. It's truly amazing! Here are some pics...

oh look, a fan

So there is a fan in what we call the "break room" that is where we get internet. yay! So this week i've been working hard. Moving dirt, out in the sun all day, painting, getting on ladders and painting trim on top of buildings, moving things, and eating. yes i now know how it is to work full time. I go to bed earlier and earlier every night. it's kinda awesome. This is what one day will look like. Wake up : 7:00 am B-Fast @ 7:30 Devo's 8-8:45. Work from 9-12:20 Lunch from 12:30 - 1 . Lunch cleanup 1-1:20 ish. Than work till Dinner time at 5:30 then get done at 6 and go to bed at 10. yup a long day at work. Well that is all for now. until next time, see ya.

Hola giant spider

So Arkansas has a LOT of spiders. Brown, Black , harry ones. Poisonous , harmless, and creepy. It's been nice here. so beautiful too! so yeah a little update. haha. oh and i like BUBBLES

Mountain View

So im at YWAM Arkansas on top of a mountain overlooking the town of Ozark. It's so beautiful here. So far i haven't had to much work. Did some landscaping today , some hard heavy work. Cut myself on some glass too, saw a salamander, and a black widow. exciting times. haha. Well that's all for now.

Arkansas Adventure

So on Monday i will be packing up my moms van ( yeah so me right :P ) and heading 5 1/2 hours to Ozark Arkansas for 5 weeks! I have to sell my car (for it needs some repairs i cant exactly afford) and get a new one that can take me to Virginia and back a few times. So please pray that i can get a job, find a place to stay in virginia, and that i sell my car and get another. Sometimes i feel so overwhelmed by all that is happening. I know i must keep going, but sometimes i feel like just crawling into bed and having it disappear for a few hours. I want to be at a beach somewhere, put my feet in the sand, and close my eyes as i hear the waves hit the earth beneath my feet. But reality is here, i have things that i have no clue will work out, and im still going at it. It's time to move on. My next entry will be about Ozark Arkansas and YWAM. yay!

one week

So it's been awhile since i've blogged. The past week was spent hanging out with Josiah, the awesomest boyfriend ever . One week from today i leave for Arkansas. Ozark Arkansas for 6 weeks, Michigan for 1 week, then moving to Lynchburg Virginia! What a grand adventure i have ahead of me :D

new start

So My life has been kinda full of decisions. It has been stressful but i know in the end i will make the right decision. As of now in a few weeks at the end of march i will be going to YWAM Ozarks in Arkansas for 6 weeks and serving there. I'm scared and excited at the same time. Then come May when my 6 weeks is up i will be hopefully moving to Lynchburg Virginia. Please pray that i will get a job there and find a place to stay. I will be taking classes online with Liberty University. =) This adventure will have it's ups and downs but i will try my best to blog about it. Now i just have to quit my job.

so i don't feel like blogging at the moment. No one reads this anyways. some adventure. ugh. maybe i'll blog when im in a better mood.

my road is still at a stand still. Questions are still in my head...like is it wrong to do what you want? How can one discern between what God wants and what oneself wants? Could they be one and the same? so, im still standing here trying to read the road signs to decide what road to take.

Decisions, i hate them. Things are falling into place to go and serve with Mission builders in serving at a YWAM location (Youth With a Mission) . i would be "working" full time for free =) i know crazy right? but i want to volunteer my time and pray about where to go to school and such. Right now the choices are Montana, and Liberty University. I guess each adventure has some downfall to it. Mine is the decisions. One path leads west, the other path leads East. Either way i plan on moving out of Jackson in August. Please pray that Gods will be done in my life and that i choose the right path!

turmoil

What if i have lost sight of what God wants in my life? Being debt free has been a conviction of mine since i was young. Then why all of a sudden i am willing to get a loan for one year at school? Is this why i have procrastinated in applying? Why do i get this sick feeling in my stomach every time i think about getting a loan? Oh so many questions going through my head. like what if i were to move to Lynchburg? Would God actually call me to be somewhere that would make me happy? Would He call me to do what my heart desires? Or am i just being selfish? Should i go to a school, be debt free, and be near the person i want to be with most? Or should i travel the opposite direction, get a loan, and live in the rockies? Oh if anyone has any biblical out put on this it would be greatly appreciated. I am in turmoil. I don't know what road to take. West, or East. Praying is what im doing most right now.

another day

Feeling lots better now. Just trying to make it through each day until this summer when going to Virginia, and Michigan, will be awesome. Then Montana in August. Ah im so excited. i really really hope i can get enough money to live off of. Please pray that a job comes up SOON!

It's snowing outside. It's like glitter from the sky, the clouds kissing the earth and allowing us to walk on them. it's truly awesome.

caged

i feel like a caged bird. Being sick, sucks. haha. i've been sick since Thursday, i am getting better now though. I can't stand for to long or i get dizzy, but my sore throat is almost gone! Thank you Lord! I've found plenty of time to thank God for the ailments i don't have. And spent plenty of time praying for my family who have had serious health issues this past month. Well i'm off to go "rest" again. i've read 2 whole books in the past 2 days. haha.

Death

Death, it's like that haunting shadow that looms above, and when it strikes it effects all around you. Sometimes it has a lasting effect. I've felt it. And the death of 2 friends in particular still makes me want to cry when i think about it. It all started in 2nd Grade. I had a friend, her name was heather. We were talking one day about her coming to my house in a week and a half. We were excited. She had never been to my house before. As we were leaving the church, i said "see you next week" not knowing i would never see her again in this lifetime. This was Thursday, on Tuesday i was watching my normal after school television. The news was on next. I was about to leave when i saw my friends picture on the Tv. I sat down and watched. Only to find out through the TV that my friend had been murdered. I dont remember much after that. I remember going to church and feeling numb. Not understanding why she wasn't there. I didn't understand why her dad set a fire to the house her and her 2 sisters were sleeping in. But those words haunt me, "see you next week". I never did.

Summer 2008, another friend of mine died. He was older, 70's or 80's. I worked as a lifeguard, and he was the uncle of the owners. He was such a great old man. We would sit for hours and talk. I was let go at that job so i didn't see him after that. I came in to say hi to some friends there one day and saw his picture on a flier in the lobby area. I walked over and read it. He was in the Hospital ill, and had passed away, his funeral was in 3 days. When i got home, i cried, and cried. I dont think i have cried like that ever. A friend went with me to the memorial service. We were the youngest people there. I didn't know anyone, but i saw a picture of his smiling face and knew he was well and with our Savior.

There are people out there who don't have the hope of seeing loved ones again after they pass. That is why, young or old we have to be a witness 24/7 to people. We never know how our last goodbye words could impact them, or how reaching out can lead them closer to God. Memories of friends and family who have passed away will always be with us. How will you leave your mark on the people in your life? What will be your lasting impression on them?
just something to think about.

the last day

So today is my last day to be a teenager. I look back and wonder where all the years have gone. It seems like just yesterday i was in 3rd grade in Mrs. Johnson's class. My how the years have flown. There were good, sad, bad, happy, and just plain wonderful times. I've felt heartbreak, and iv'e felt love. I've lost friends, and iv'e gained new ones. Yes there are some things i would have done differently , but that is life. We learn the hard way. I'm very excited for my future though, and what God is doing. My life has truly been an adventure. And it's an adventure waiting to be discovered and explored more. So as i turn 20, i'm anticipating this great adventure that's ahead of me, called life.

snow

yes Jackson Tn has snow!! It was so fun to play out there. i felt like a little kid in Michigan. brought back memories for sure. I'm trying to figure out how im going to get to work in an ice covered Toyota. lol. this shall be very interesting. Just thought i'd run an update. We also got a puppy! hehe . it's so cute! well i'm off for the night.

I am sitting here, praying, waiting, for some sort of job, or a reply to the 15-20 jobs i have applied at. Sometimes having patience is very hard. I just want out of Jackson. i love the people here, i just feel that it's time for my adventure to begin, and it's not starting here in this small town where wal-mart is the best place to hang out. Please pray that a full time job will soon come my way! I am about to go crazy!

I've been learning to fully depend on God. It's hard though. Especially when it comes to finding a full time job. I'm depending fully on Him now. The only thing i can do is apply, and He is the one who does the rest. I pray that i get a full time job soon. I need to start saving money for my year in Montana.

Change

Change, and no i'm not talking about the quarters, dimes, nickels, and pennies. I'm talking about change, spiritual change, change in life, adjusting to something that is not in our comfort zone. My life is going to be full of change in the coming years. Moving to Montana, Moving to Virginia (Lord willing!), getting married. that sort of change.Sometimes people change, their beliefs, their values. I have changed. I've changed spiritually. I've taken the step of making Faith in God my own in the past year. And it's truly amazing! Change is hard though. It's never easy. People deal with it in different ways. Some turn towards God, while others turn to alcohol. It breaks my heart when i see others turning to other things , besides God, to deal with change. When we see others dealing with change in non God honoring ways, pray for them, help them see what they are doing is not honoring to God. That's my little thought for the day. :)

Stress Alert

Ah the stress of looking for a full time job. i feel it getting to me, my head starts hurting, i get grouchy, and i just want to sleep all day. I pray that i find a good job and that i won't let the stress get to me to much.

Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.

~ Ephesians 3:20

Great verse to think upon.

sometimes i wonder why it's easier for me to write what i want to say, than to actually say it. it's interesting. i think i'll eat some chocolate. or some bread. So i was driving in my car and singing loudly, and i looked over at the passenger seat, and it was empty. It made me sad. Sometimes i feel like i could leave Jackson, and no one will miss me. I guess we'll see about that soon enough.

Sigh

I just sat down after working for 11 1/2 hours today. Very exhausting. I am no longer a student at Jackson State. There is a possibility of going to a Bible school for a year, so i am praying about pursuing that. Im very excited about it actually. I just want to be in fellowship with others who are called to ministry. I need to focus more on God and going to the Bible college im looking at will help me in my walk with Christ. Please pray for me as i make lots of decisions, on where to live, what job to get, and where to go to school (even though i kinda have my heart set on one already). Pray that i will have patience when it comes to a certain relationship, and strength to endure working full time till next fall. I will leave you with this verse:

Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others.

~ Proverbs 12:15

Decisions

Tomorrow will be the day that tuition for Jackson State is due. I am praying on whether or not i'll be going back, or attending a one year Bible School in Montana. I feel kinda excited about the idea of moving out to Montana for a year, but then i would be oh so far from those i love. I really don't want to continue dragging my feet at Jackson state. I'm just ready to get out. Out of this small but big town. I guess whatever decision i make will be the start of my great adventure this year. Pray for me that i will make the right choice.

A New Year

Well it's January 4th, and i'm sitting at home watching Home Improvement on TvLand. I have the fire on, because it's very cold out, and im taking in the quietness of the house. This year starts my blogging of my great adventure, called life. Have fun reading my randomness!